My blog posts these days are nothing extraordinary and I appreciate those reading, but I’m feeling inspired to just write out my thoughts during my 1 hour break in the day. Generally it is followed by a hot bath with a towel pinned to the window so it represents “nighttime” with lots of candles. I’m usually in bed by 8pm, and constantly nursing a baby, so my nights aren’t mine at the moment.

Dear Mrs. Kennedy was the recent episode of “The Crown” I watched on Netflix. For those of you who watched the episode, I must say how impressed I am of the Queen. The words that were spoken about her Head of State appearance, lack of relevancy or lack of being with the times and being a “middle aged, unintelligent woman” lit a fire in her soul. She followed the comments said by Mrs Kennedy with a trip to Ghana to claim the country from the grips of the Soviet Union. She then had a dance with the President of Ghana, reclaiming the country with the Commonwealth, shocking her husband with her ambitious spirit and dropping jaws across the globe. This series has actually been amazing to watch. Seeing the times changing throughout the decades and watching a Queen adapting to times which seemed to not come so naturally to her has been my inspiration during my nursing, diapers, burping and nap schedules.

During these dreary days through the island Winters, I can’t help but reminisce about the white sandy shorelines that Andy and I gallivanted on pre-babies and the numerous airports/roadtrips we went on. The endless surfs and personal time frame often flood my mind and I am so so grateful that I had those unforgettable times across the world. Surfing just seems to be an essence of life for me and the Ocean invigorates my inner being too. I miss it. The energy of the ocean and the brain freeze as I’m duck diving into the backline really plants me back to myself. After having Bethany, my counselor asked me where my place of peace was- and it is in the cold Pacific NW ocean. Glassy Waves. Surfing with my husband. Looking at the back drop of Vancouver Island. *sigh… But I’m using the posts and time to myself to meditate on the current and future.

I’m praying for more and more patience with Bethany. My sweet little, big eyed beauty. While I’m in my hot yoga classes doing the child’s pose, I really think about that pose. It is such a submissive pose and it always makes me think of my daughter and other children in general. The innocence, the purity and the faith filled little souls. I sometimes will just look over at her watching a show or playing with her little friends and I just feel flooded with guilt for any time I’ve lost my temper with her. She is two. She is a challenge. But I am really trying not to react to her tantrums and fits and instead embrace her emotions at this age and be peace to her. I’ve actually envisioned myself just closing my eyes and laying down on the ground in front of her if shes freaking out (but I think that will intensify the situation? What do you think?) The times she asks to hold Caleb, and I tell her to put her arms out… she just puts her hands together in a cup shape (sweetheart, that will not hold your brother). SHE IS TWO.

Having Andy home for the Winter has been a tremendous blessing to me and our family. I started to notice this month that I’ve really re-connected with old friends, made some great new friends and I’m getting out a lot more. The days are flying by regardless of the lack of sunshine and copious amounts of rain. Having him working away basically half the year is a real struggle for us and it’s hard to make other couple friends that are in the same life stage because I generally come as a solo package with a dog and 2 kids. It is just a lot more work getting out doing it all by myself. I’ve also been quite relaxed with Caleb in his infant stage and it’s made life SO much easier for me. I’ve put the books away, I try not to google everything, and I’m just going with the flow of our bond right now. They call it the “4th trimester”, these first 3 months out of the womb. Trying to figure each other out, feeding, sleeping and everything in between. He knows my smell when I enter a room or when I start talking so when I leave, he notices now. I’m learning not to overthink everything and my logical husband always says “he’s a baby- that’s what babies do!” This has given me so much peace about everything.

In addition to me becoming a mother, my “love language” has changed too. I still love when Andy does things for me, like pour me a cup of coffee or make dinner. But, words of affirmation have become so important to me these days. I think as mothers, we second guess ourselves on a lot of things. For me, it has made me feel so good when Andy or other people tell me that I’m a great mom or when I talk to other moms and they say that they parent similar ways to me. It gives me a sigh of relief that I’m not in left field.

Back to reality now.