I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back every day being a parent. I grab Bethany’s fork out of her lunch box to wash and it drops on the floor and the dog starts licking it. I’m buttoning up her jacket and I missed a button, but only notice it when I get to the top. I drop her blanket in the rain while my arms are loaded and we are piling into the car to rush off to day care and carrying about our busy lives. I’m changing her brown diaper and she MMA drop kicks her foot (wearing a clean sock-now dirty) directly into her poop.

I feel like I never wanted to be in this place of rushing children around and here I am. The days seem to blend together. I’m trying to be a godly wife, an inspiring mother and a committed friend. Life is in 5th gear and I’m learning to juggle and balance. I’m learning to prioritze time for myself. To the things I like doing. Like this…. sitting, candles, writing out the funny thoughts and ideas that come to my head.
As I’m going about my day, observing life… I want to share with others so that we can all open up into one big conversation.

The girls at my work are like my family. I pile into my morning shift after a hectic morning commute, and I know that my frustrations and concerns are heard. Only because I feel that God is opening my eyes to people that he adores. My struggles are REAL and I’m going through a really crazy transition with working, momming and wifing. But through this, I’ve just realized that EVERY single person carries some hefty demands from life. I was on a walk today and through my prayer time… I was asking God to do this, and this, and this, and make sure that this works out for me properly. He reminded me to start praying for my girls at work. Every single one of them has brokenness, hardships and struggles. Just like me. I’ve realized I can be so internal, so inward focused.
Another realization. I know who and where I want to be, but how do I get there?

Now that I am on maternity leave with my second child- a son, I was sitting in a VERY blessed hot bath (both kids are napping) sipping on a cold beer, eating a bowl of chips and admiring the flickering candles. A thought came into my head- more like a desire. I’ve been having dreams of perfect waves but I can’t seem to catch any of them. As I was wiggling my toes in the lavender bubbles, I asked God… what is my purpose? Do you have any sweet plans for me? Is there any chance it involves a tropical beach with waves and salty hair? I don’t think that’s bad to ask? And then an image of my sweet little baby nursing and looking up into my eyes with a half smile popped into my head. And then another image of my beautiful, sweaty, blonde haired daughter asking me to sit with her and build play dough passed through too. I almost had a tear come to my eyes as I thought- WOW, thanks for the reminder God. These little lambs are my purpose. To raise them in the way they should go. Especially in this world now. This scary world, where you are promised that you can be whatever you want to be. A world, where there is no such thing as failure or losing. A world where debt is just in the normal vocabulary to “get ahead”. Crypto currency is a thing now and relationships are mostly built on technology.

Life is seriously in the mundane- day to day at the moment. Running the house and ensuring that it’s a bit tidy for us to live in. Easy dinners, watching Canucks games cuddled by the fire and sometimes putting our daughter in her crib as her tantrums fizzle out. But I’m sitting in my tiny house with my family of 5 including the fur baby and I will remain content that this is my purpose for now.

If you think of me, please shout out a prayer for me to remind myself of God’s goodness and his riches that He has blessed me with. It is sometimes very hard to see when my mind is so foggy from the lack of sleep.