Switch On Your Brain by Carolyn Leaf has really enlightened me to further understanding with how the bible and science go hand in hand regarding our thoughts.

This transition with being back to work (currently doing full time hours), being a mom and a wife has been really hard on our family for the past couple of weeks. The word that comes to me and that has been coming to me through other people/mentors, is “Boundaries“. Boundaries with work, church, ministry, friends and even our dear family. I never thought I would get to this place where this would be an issue for us and this is the first time that both Andy and I have bitten off more than we can chew.

For those of you reading, I just want to make it very clear that I love my husband so much, but I’m finding it hard to love him the way I first loved him. The things he used to do that made my eyes sparkle and giggle, are now the same very things that make me want to strangle him. I feel that life stresses and the walls that I’ve built towards him are blocking us from re-igniting our first, new love. On my wedding day, I wanted to be like cheese or wine that tastes better as the years pass on and here I am. Old, wilted and rotten. I never thought that this love would grow stale. This blog is basically me, trying to work out that he is the same Andy that I fell in love with. I need to take these stupid blinders off from adulting. I sometimes hate how this world stains the child within us.

In the beginning… I loved that he was so organized. I loved how he would lean down to kiss me and his gangster, cross necklace would dangle on my nose. He would roll up his noisy belt and place it on his night stand before bed EVERY night. It’s important to have cold beer glasses in the freezer and his standard of cleaning FAR surpasses mine (which causes a lot of arguments). My main lesson in all of this, is that I married Andy. I take him for ALL that he is and ALL that he will become. He married Sarah. I am free to be myself and will carry on squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and leaving half empty glasses all over the house (that drives me crazy too though… I’m working on it).

I’m just battling to understand where we switched our priorities. With a kid in the mix, there has got to be a conscious effort of treating each other with respect, love and grace. As a wife to a husband who works away, it is constantly living a double life. This wall that I’ve built has been necessary to keep emotionally strong during the lonely times and single parenting chaos. How do I open this door when he comes home to be the soft spoken, Proverbs 31 that I am meant to be for him? Even as I write this, I know that marriage is a lot of work. I guess I’m saying that I’m already tired from putting together all of the undone puzzles, fitting the various shapes into the Fisher Price farm, wiping down the high chair yet again and putting away all of the toys at the end of the day. I’m spent. But…he needs to stay my number 1. My husband needs his wife.

My desire, is for my marriage to taste as sweet as wine and as delicious as aged cheddar.