Sitting in bed, enjoying my coffee this morning.

I haven’t blogged in a long time and I really miss getting my heart out. I feel that it keeps my mind healthy.

After a gloomy, long Winter… I am starting to re-energize myself. The doctor prescribed me anti-depressants after battling with Postpartum depression. After 6 months of trying to maintain a healthy life balance and gain my sleeping patterns back, I am feeling like I have somewhat control over my life again. I look at my daughter differently now and I feel that our bond has grown enormously because of the great trials we both went through with learning to feed, sleeping and countless dreary days inside together.

I wish that more people would talk about postpartum. Unfortunately, you will find me opening up with raw honesty about pregnancy, birth and postpartum and I wish that more woman would too. My body changed permanently I think… my hips got bigger and my rib cage won’t let me fit into some shirts that I wore pre-pregnancy. It’s all real! This is what happens. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just real and I kind of lost myself through this last year. I don’t even remember Sarah Boyce. I know that she was wild, fun, full of energy and spontaneous, but Bethany’s mom is also all of those things still. She just has to put this little human before her own desires and needs.

Sometimes, I just want to go meet some girlfriends at a pub, have a good dinner and laugh hysterically into the late night… but things have changed. I now look out my window before the sunset, wondering what the rest of the world is up to and a little bit sad that I’m stuck inside this house while my little girl grows and develops in her sleep at 7pm. I miss my old life, but I don’t know what I would do with it anymore.

Once a pilot’s wife, always a pilot’s wife. The trials of having Andy working away have also been extremely hard during this life change. I’ve had to “suck it up” and learn to accept my independence and responsibility. The little bean is coming up on a year, and I will be celebrating her first year of life, but also for accomplishing the most challenging/rewarding year of my life as well. I feel that I can do anything I put my mind to, and I now understand why we’ve dedicated a day to mothers. We deserve a day of recognition.

I am still on the medication, but doing everything else I can to maintain my health. I’m running with my beefcake in the stroller, taking vitamins and trying to eat healthy. I’m reading more, journaling my heart and trying to balance my life with my friends and family.

Going to the beach isn’t just “going to the beach” anymore. It’s feeding the baby cheerios, oh wait, she doesn’t like cheerios anymore. blueberries? NOPE, she wants watermelon. Toast with peanut butter? NOPE, just watermelon. It’s like it changes daily. She loves water, then she throws her sippy cup in my face. And then she smashes her watermelon to the ground.
Okay… nap time. So, I watch the clock tick for 2 hours while I pack a beach bag and some goldfish crackers that she will hopefully eat when we are at the beach. She finally wakes up, we change her diaper, lather her with sunscreen as she spits and flails. Strap a sunhat to her, put her in the car seat and only NOW… are we on our way.
Unloading the car: Make sure the dog is on the leash, Beach bag is on the shoulder and now for the baby carrier contraption. I’m telling you, it is not for the faint of heart. You make it happen… it just looks WAY different than going to the beach on your own pleasure and timing. A  beach day planned at 9am, turns out to be a noon:30 outing. This is the “New normal”.

I will be blogging more so that I can keep up-to-date with myself and keep myself sane while the squirt naps.

 

cheers