It’s common. Insecurity… or temptation. Recently, I have been struggling with my role. Women around me are successful in their schooling or occupation and it’s part of my debrief being home. A year ago today, Andy and I were packing up our home, giving our notices at work, saving up some money and leaving everything behind to follow our dreams in South Africa with Christian Surfers. With that, we were heading into a huge adventure, not knowing what we were going to face. Time flies, and here I am. My hometown has advanced and my friends and family have moved up in the corporate ladders.

It’s so hard for me to really grasp or portray what I’ve been going through lately. But, I know that there is freedom when we bring our confession or sin to the light. I know that it will bring freedom to other girls who struggle with insecurity if I confess these things. I’ve been believing subtle lies from the pit which have led to huge insecurities in my appearance and “what I do”. I don’t know why, but sometimes these insecurities cycle through my life without me even recognizing them. I guess it’s easier these days for insecurities to hit you in the face. With social media, I can’t turn anywhere without something flashing at me that I NEED this or that to be beautiful in society standards. Honestly, I’m absolutely sick of it. I’ve opened up to a few girls about these insecurities, and I usually get the same response… “I totally know what you mean, I go through the same thing ALL THE TIME!”  So… you aren’t alone in this. We are deceived to believe that we are in this alone.

I found myself at the mall way to often looking around for new outfits to mask the insecurities. It was all around me, in every store. The mall is NOT a bad place. All I’m saying is that it is too easy to get caught in a whirlwind of consuming more and more and more to be satisfied. I find myself a consumer a lot of the time. I’m so thankful that I have a great husband who has helped us out financially by preparing a great budget. When I run out of “Sarah’s Savings”, then I’m done for the month. This is why I love thrift store shopping. I do love clothes and shoes. I’m like every other girl on this planet. I just got distracted by placing my identity in these material things.

I felt so discouraged one day, that I went out shopping. As I was trying on some outfits in the changing room, I looked up at the mirror and written in permanent marker on the mirror was, “You girls… are beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!!” I put every item of clothing down, walked out of the store and thanked God! That message was from Him I believe. He was whispering His identity to me. He was reminding me how precious I am to Him and how beautiful He made me! It breaks His heart the things we think about ourselves. It’s insulting to Him. He created me perfectly to be me. It was such a revelation when I read that note on the mirror. It felt as if I was released from a hypnotic spell.

A few events have lead me to write this blog. It’s hard for me to journal or write when I am not feeling inspired. The other day, Andy and I were sitting in church and I had a scripture put on my heart. I found it and was astonished. It was everything I was going through. I’m very relieved to know that the women in the bible struggled with these same temptations too! I know God wants me to meditate on this scripture, because the next day, it was also in my devotions. His word stands firm. He is TRUTH!

Wives
1 Peter 3:3-5 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.

We need to keep our focus on the path set before us. God told Lot and his wife not to look back. Olympic athlete John Landy was on the final turn of the last lap in the 1500 metre final. Landy looked over his left shoulder, Roger Bannister passed him on the right and won “the Race of the Century”. Landy is known as the second man to break the four minute mile barrier in the mile run. I’m striving to take first place in my race and aim to cast every hindrance aside.